Wednesday, June 28, 2006

In the Fog

While waiting for the doctors to call us with the next steps, Vampfamily has spent the past few days surrounded by friends, family and neighbors. My time has been spent wandering around largely in a haze, trying to process the crippling grief, anger and occasional stunned shock that comes and goes from my mind. Of course, I am going through all of this as Vampbaby runs about sqealing with glee, while the dog desperately seeks sanctuary from little hands that love nothing more than to grab at his fur and give it a loving pull.

As I've begun to come to terms with what one person has described to us as "the new normal", I have turned to the words of others to guide and sustain me. Many of those words are in the comments that have been left here, given in person as visitors have stopped by, and the cards that now decorate a wall in our kitchen. After a day where I was able to reconnect with colleagues as I returned to work for a brief visit, the words below came to the surface.

If All Who Have Begged Help
by Anna Akhmatova

If all who have begged help
From me in this world,
All the holy innocents,
Broken wives, and cripples,
The imprisoned, the suicidal -
If they had sent me one kopeck
I should have become 'richer
Than all Egypt' . . .
But they did not send me kopecks,
Instead they shared with me their strength,
And so nothing in the world
Is stronger than I,
And I can bear anything, even this.

translated by D.M. Thomas

8 comments:

Heather said...

Thanks for sharing this poem...Someone called yesterday, asking what they should say to someone who was facing a tragedy. I replied that there was nothing you could say, really, but we can be with people, offering our own experiences of the "dark night of the soul." This poem says this best.

I wish you the best as you all begin to find your way through the murkyness...

With love,
H

Anonymous said...

From a cousin in NYC: My thoughts are with you all during this time. I'm sending positive energy vampbaby's way. Much to love to you.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Jamie, Chloe and I are thinking about all of you and have you in our prayers. If there is anything we can do (if you need any medical lingo help) please call. Give your munchkin a huge hug for us!!!

sara

Anonymous said...

We love you all! Anna,John&Kids

Anonymous said...

It is tragic to hear of this in one so young and obviously full of life. My thoughts are with you all. Donna M

Anonymous said...

Vampdaddy

This comes from your mother's cousin Rosemary and her Aunt Ginny from Missouri, sending our prayers and positive thinking your way.

Uncle Craig said...

Some stand on a wall and say "Don't worry, I will protect you."

Others raise their child in the hope the child will live and grow strong enough to stand on a wall and say "Don't worry, I will protect you" if that is their childs' chosen vocation.

In the movie "The Magnificent Seven" a boy thought gunfighters were brave because they faced bullets. Yet it was a gunfighter (played by Charles Bronson) who told the boy differently. It was the boy's father, and the other farmers like him who worked the fields every day, never knowing if anything would come of their struggles to grow food, who showed true bravery.

Please continue to show your son true bravery.

Sincerely,
Uncle Craig